


Cache Me Outside

by ekayla



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: This is a crack fic, i dont know harry potter, my best friend challenged me to write this with only what i know of HP which is not a lot, they go geocaching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23759770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ekayla/pseuds/ekayla
Summary: Harry and Hermione take Ron geocaching for the first time in his life. After all, it's a muggle thing, right?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Cache Me Outside

**Author's Note:**

> If you came here for a good fic, click that back button now.
> 
> My best friend, a Harry Potter fanatic, challenged me, one who knows the bare basics of the HP world, to write her a short one shot of the gang going geocaching. 
> 
> Here is the trash that ensued>>

It’s a cool September day, the sun is out, and Harry and Ron sit across from each other in a booth at Starbucks. They are both sipping on their drinks with a plate of croissants in between them. Ron’s caramel latte leaves a bit of foam on his upper lip, and wordlessly Harry points at him, in an effort to get him to wipe it off. But of course, he doesn’t understand, and just before Harry can clarify anything, Hermione plops down in the booth next to Ron. 

“I have the most _brilliant_ idea for us to do this afternoon.” She looks to Ron, who still has the foam mustache. She makes a face, and points to her own upper lip. “You know you have a little…” Ron’s face flushes pink as he quickly cleans his mouth with the back of his sleeve. A smile flashes on Hermione’s face before she continues, turning to Harry. “Geocaching. I used to do it with my parents, but not so much anymore. Have you ever been?”

Harry nods. “Yeah, I used to do it a lot while living with my aunt and uncle. I mostly just wanted to get out of the house, and from under that staircase.” He shutters at the last reason. “Anyway, it’s pretty fun. A bit of adventure.”

Suddenly they are interrupted by a slurping sound. Harry and Hermione turn to Ron, who is now staring at them with wide eyes, finishing off his latte. “What?” 

Hermione rolls her eyes. “Have you ever been? Geocaching?” 

“Never heard of it.” He shoves one end of a croissant in his mouth, leaving crumbs all over the space on the table in front of him.

A shocked look runs across Hermione’s face, just before she realizes the obvious. “Oh, I guess that makes sense. It’s more of a muggle thing.” She takes a croissant from the plate and takes small gentle bite, but waits to swallow before speaking again. “Well, I think it would be really fun. Like Harry said, an adventure.” She beams before taking another bite.

“Well, alright, I’m down for an adventure,” Ron says through his stuffed mouth, looking between his friends.

“Yeah, I’m game too. It’ll be a nice break from dealing with Voldemort. I don’t think Headmaster Dumbledore will mind us exploring this afternoon.” 

“Wonderful! Alright, so I’ve got it all planned out…” Hermione sets the croissant down and immediately starts pulling things out of her bag and setting them on the table. A map, a compass, a notebook, multiple different colored pens, a binocular, a small device… Harry and Ron exchange glances, as if saying _Oh no, what have we gotten ourselves into?_ Ron shoves another croissant in his mouth and Harry takes a big gulp of his drink.

“…and this tells us exactly where it is!” She finishes, pointing at the device in her hand with exact coordinates of an unknown location. 

Ron swallows his food. “So what exactly IS geocaching, though?”

“Oh, right.” Hermione laughs. “Well, according to the official website, you select a geocache to locate, plug it into this device, then you use it to navigate to the location! It’s pretty simple really.” She states, as if Ron should have known this. 

Ron furrows his brow. “Okay, but what happens when you find it? Do you win a prize, like a chocolate frog or something?”

Harry opens his mouth to start to speak, but Hermione unknowingly cuts him off. “It’s usually a small container of some sort, a box of some kind, and you open it to find all sorts of little things that people have left. The tradition is that you look at all the things, then place something of your own inside for the rest of the explorers to find!” 

Ron shrugs his shoulders. “Hmm, sounds fun enough. Would be better with a chocolate frog though.” 

“Yeah, or maybe the Tri-Wizard Cup.” Harry and Ron burst out laughing at this.

Once again, Hermione rolls her eyes, starting to wonder why she hangs out with them. “Alright, well let’s go!” She starts collecting everything back into her bag. Harry finishes off his drink while Ron sneaks the rest of Hermione’s croissant. However, Ron is not as sneaky as he thinks himself to be, and she notices, but only responding with a half-smile and a small head shake. And with that, they head out on their adventure. 

\--

The town they are currently in, Ketleovenpot of Snapeshire, of no relation to the professor, is a town with a population of about 15,000. They happen to be passing through on the way back to Hogwarts. Fortunately for the trio, it borders several farmlands, fields and cottages, all land that would be perfect for hiding a geocache. The friends head out towards the land, Hermione leading the way. 

They walk out of civilization, houses becoming less and less, sidewalks becoming dirt paths, until they are surrounded by grass tickling their shins and trees are scattered throughout the field. 

Hermione stops, staring at her GPS device, and suddenly hits the side of it with her palm. “Great! The GPS stopped working.” She grumbles. Tossing it into her bag, she takes out the paper map. “Guess we’ll have to use this!” She sounds much more cheerful than her friends would like.

Ron groaned and rolls his eyes. “Remind me again why we can’t just use magic?” His wand is in his back pocket, where Hermione made him put it not long after they left the Starbucks. When Ron first asked if magic could be used, Hermione had scoffed and said “Of course not! Finding it on our own, with our own skills, that’s part of the adventure!” Ron had groaned and rolled his eyes then, too. 

“Because, it would-” she starts, but Harry and Ron interrupt, finishing her sentence. 

“-ruin the adventure.” They sigh together, in a somewhat mocking tone. 

“We got it.” Harry says to Hermione, who is just shaking her head. 

Hermione looks back down at her map and scrunches her nose as she tries to figure out the direction they need to go next. Ron sits down on a rock and draws in the dirt with a stick he found somewhere along the way. Harry looks down and notices a snake in the tall grass close to the path, and has an idea. He glances up to make sure his friends aren’t paying attention before opening his mouth. 

“Sskskkskkksskkkskk” he whispers to the snake. It turns to him, and their eyes meet. The snake nods, and begins to slither on the grass next to the path. “Sssskkskssskkkssss” Harry continues, and the snake moves over to the taller grass, more hidden. 

“It’s this way!” Hermione shouts suddenly, jolting Harry’s attention off his new friend in the grass. Ron jerks up, too, from his drawing. She points towards a hilly area in the east and starts walking with purpose. Ron jumps up, keeping hold of his stick, and tries to catch up with her. Harry just walks casually, not worried about getting lost. 

They continue to walk along the path, as it winds in and around the greenery. Trees that were once sparse and spread out are now beginning to populate more near the edge of the trail, bringing shade to the teens as they walk. Hermione’s eyes continuously go from her map to the landscape, over and over again, making sure they stay on the right path. Harry whispers to his slithering friend, who is still following them in the side grass. He’d tried to be quiet, but Ron catches him.

“What was that, Harry?” he asks, without looking at him.

“Oh, um, I was just talking to myself. Wondering if the geocache could be in the tall grass, that’s all.” He flustered. 

Ron says a little louder, hoping for Hermione to hear, “I just wish we could use magic! We could just have Hedwig find the geocache and bring it to us. Owls know the location of everything.” 

Hermione slows and turns her head over her shoulder to respond. “Ron, that would take away all the fun!” 

“Newsflash, Hermione, I’m not _having_ any fun. I’m just walking amongst trees and grass in the hot bloody sun, probably getting very burnt.” He smacks the back of his neck with his hand, then looks at it. “And now I’m being attacked by bugs. Great.” Ron looks around to see if anyone else is being bitten, and notices that it’s only him and Hermione. “Hermione, where’s Harry?”

“What do you mean? Harry’s just behind you…” She stops and turns around fully. “Isn’t he?” They both look around and Harry is nowhere to be found. 

“Harry?” Ron calls, pausing to listen for a response.

Several feet down, they hear leaves beginning to shake in one of the trees. Ron and Hermione cautiously walk towards it. When they peer into the branches, they see Harry, perched on one of the branches. 

Hermione places her hands on her hips. “Harry, what on earth are you doing up there?” 

“Looking for the geocache.” He states, as if it should be obvious. 

“In a tree??” 

Ron grabs a branch and begins to climb up to Harry’s level. 

“And just what do you think you’re doing, Ron?” 

He glances up at Harry, then down to Hermione. “I guess looking for the geocache.” He continues to climb until he’s on the branch opposite of Harry. They both sit there with their legs hanging. “I don’t know, I’m still learning how to do this. What do we do next, Harry?”

Harry looks around at the leaves, pondering his response. “I dunno, just look around for a box, I guess. That’s what I always did when I looked for them.” They both turn their heads all around, but find nothing. They shrug their shoulders at each other before starting down the tree. 

At the bottom, Hermione is waiting with her map. “Why would it even be in a tree? We aren’t close enough yet to the coordinates, I have it marked right here on my map!” She points and shoves it in their faces. 

“Okay, okay, let’s get on then.” Harry moans. 

They continue walking, Hermione leading the way. 

“What if we get there, and it’s gone?” Ron asks the two more experienced searchers. 

“That’s never happened to me before, it will be there.” Hermione nods confidently. 

Both boys shrug at each other, hoping that the geocache will in fact still be there. 

Soon enough, they reach a point where the path forks. Hermione checks her map, scratching her head while she compares it to her surroundings. Harry walks a little bit away from his friends. He whispers to the tall grass in a low voice. 

“Sssssssssskksssssskkssk,” he asks. The snake appears, poking it’s head out between the blades. 

“Sssssss” it responds, then disappears into the grass once again. Harry walks back over to Hermione and Ron, who are now arguing. 

“Let’s just fix your GPS, I can do it with a spell!” 

“No! I am NOT letting you try and fix it, you will just break it even more!” 

“Will not, let me try!” 

She opens her mouth to speak, but then closes it and hands Ron the broken GPS. “Fine.” She spats. 

Ron holds the device out from his body and raises his wand. 

“ _Fixio Spotify A Drabadracula!_ ” 

Nothing happens. 

Suddenly, Hermione doubles over in laughter, clutching her abdomen. “You… Your…” She tries unsuccessfully to get the words out, but she is out of breath. 

Harry, grinning from ear to ear, walks up to Ron and places a hand on his shoulder. 

“What?” Ron baffles, turning to look at Harry. 

He lets out a stifled laugh before finally speaking. “That’s a stick.” 

Ron’s eyes dart to what he had believed to be his wand, which is in fact the stick he was using earlier to draw in the dirt. “Oh bloody hell.” He throws the stick off to the side. 

“Don’t worry about it, Ron, I know which way to go anyways.” Harry continues. 

Hermione spins around. “You can’t possibly know, you don’t have a map, or anything!” 

Harry nonchalantly shrugs and begins to walk to the right path. Ron hands Hermione the broken device and follows Harry. She waits a moment, stunned, then quickly throws the device in her bag and catches up to the boys. 

They walk for a little while, Harry leading the way this time, Hermione still looking at her map but a little less. She eventually places it back in her bag, still within reach if she needs it, but wanting to trust her friend. Soon enough, they arrive at the base of a large tree, tall and waving in the cool autumn breeze. Some of the leaves are already browning, while some are holding onto their summer color. 

“Alright, so what do we do now?” Ron asks, peering up into the branches. He points upward. “Climb it?” 

“NO. We do NOT need to climb anymore trees.” Hermione groans. “Now we just need to search around. This is the coordinates, so it should be close.”

They all begin to inspect the base of the tree, ruffling through the small piles of leaves. After about 10 minutes, Ron kicks up a rock and sees something small and light brown. He uses his hands to move away the rest of the forest floor to find what appears to be a small chest. It’s about thirty-five centimeters by twenty centimeters, and twenty centimeters deep. Big enough to fit a handful of items, yet able to be hidden amongst the rocks by the base of the tree. 

“I think I found something!” He shouts to Harry and Hermione, who are on the other side of the trunk. They rush over to his side. “It’s an old chest, is this what we are looking for?”

“Brilliant, Ron!” 

Then, out of the blue, Luna Lovegood hops down out of the tree, startling the trio. 

“Hi, Harry. Hi, Ronald. Hi, Hermione.” She greets them individually, in her airy sing-song voice. 

“Luna? What are you doing here?” Harry tilted his head and squinted at her like she had three eyes. 

“Geocaching, of course.” She sang, skipping around him. “Oh! I see that you found the box!” With her hands clasped behind her back, she leaned forward to inspect it. “Looks like this one hasn’t been found in quite some time.” She stands up straight and looks between Harry and Hermione. “Shall we open it?” 

Ron, Hermione, and Harry exchange glances before wordlessly deciding to go ahead. Harry motions to Ron to open the box. “After all, you found it.” 

Ron squats down and lifts the lid. It opens with almost no effort, which surprises the group. Ron starts to pull out the items stored in the chest. A pencil, a small notebook, a baby shoe, a cube with colorful squares all over its sides, a light purple crystal, a toy soldier, a diadem, the ace of spades playing card, a seven of hearts, and a Ziplock bag of peanuts. 

“This is the most random collection of things I’ve ever seen.” Ron says as he picks up the bag of peanuts. Hermione shoots daggers at him with her eyes, as if saying _don’t you dare eat those nuts, you don’t know where they’ve been!_ He slowly lowers the bag back to the pile of items. 

“Ooo, this is pretty!” Luna picks up the diadem and places it on her head. Harry feels a twisting in his stomach looking at the tiara, but shakes it off quickly. He reaches for the cube. 

“Oh hey, a Rubik’s cube! I had one of these when I was a kid. I could solve it in under a minute. I wonder if I still can…” His words trail off as his hands begin to speed up, twisting and shifting the block. Ron stares at his hands working, enthralled by this new puzzle. 

Hermione picks up the pencil and pad, jotting down the date and all of their names, including Luna. She still isn’t sure how she ended up here, but you can’t really know for sure about anything with Luna. She’s an enigma that Hermione doesn’t have the time or energy to figure out, not with all the rest that’s going on with Voldemort. 

“Well, I suppose we should put our items inside.” Hermione says when she finishes writing. “What do you all have to contribute?” 

Ron frowns, before digging into his pocket and pulling out a holographic card of Dumbledore, like what one would find after eating a chocolate frog. He places it into the box, then passes Harry a glance. Harry takes out the sorcerer’s stone from his pocket, to everyone’s surprise, and tosses it into the box. 

“Wait, I thought you destroyed that?” Ron raises a brow. 

“I did, but then I put it back together with magic.” Harry taps the side of his temple with his index finger. Ron nods and purses his lips, understanding. 

Hermione puts her broken GPS device inside. “Maybe it will work for someone else.” She shoves her hands in her pockets. Everyone turns to Luna, who is still wearing the diadem. She takes it off, puts it in the box, while adding a pair of neon blue and green sunglasses. 

Luna closes the box, then gently puts it back where Ron found it. She covers it up with some moss and leaves, hiding it from plain sight. After brushing off her hands, she turns to the group. “Well, I’m off to feed a nettlespeller!” The gang exchange glances, and by the time they look back to Luna, she is gone. 

“That was…weird.” Hermione says.

They all start walking back down towards the path, and back towards the town. Ron mumbles something about never wanting to go geocaching again, and while Hermione spouts out all the benefits of including it as enrichment to one’s life, Harry agrees with Ron. Some things are best only done once. 

Not long after they leave the tree, another visitor shows up just where they were. Voldemort materializes; he glances around to make sure he’s alone, then takes out the box from its hidden place. He steals the diadem, slams it shut, tosses it back into the leaves, then vanishes into thin air.

**Author's Note:**

> ...and there you have it, folks. That's how Voldemort got ahold of the diadem.


End file.
